Mexicans Are Cooler Than You Think

So I'm in Mexico right now. Which is weird for me because it kind of feels like somewhere I've been before. It's hot like Santa Cruz but cramped like Rome. Some how the windows don't need glass, just decorative wrought iron and occasionally wooden shutters. There are four cats who live here and hummingbirds who visit often. This particular home has four levels: the apartment downstairs where my mom and I will be staying, the main level with the living room and kitchen, the upstairs with our hosts' bedroom, and a rooftop garden that boasts a view of the ocean.
It's very lovely to say the least but I'm still a little concerned about roaming about on our own later on. Only because of my language barrier. While I can understand the gist of many conversations, being an active participant is wishful thinking. But my momma should have the language situation covered so I'm not completely concerned.
I have some fun stories about the plane ride over but that will have to wait for another post. For now I'm going back to sipping iced tea with my new cat friend and listening to the wacky birds.

My Faith Is Greater Than My Fear

...at least I'm working on it.

It's Sunday. Only a little after 1pm and I feel like I've done a million things already. I woke up at 7:45am to get ready for church. I was supposed to introduce a girl to Woodcrest. My very good friend knows that I go to Woodcrest so gave my number to a brand new freshman who was considering trying my church out but she did not have a way to get there. I was very excited to have the opportunity to meet this girl and show her around church. We planned it so that I would be at her dorm by 8:30 so we could have time before the service began to look around.

Unfortunately, things did not exactly go according to plan. She overslept. I only waited for about 5 minutes at her place. I figured I had time to go check on my friend's bunny (I'm bunny sitting for the weekend) while this girl was getting ready...if she had woken up by my phone call. But...she didn't. Which really was ok. Like I said, I had time to check on the bunny and even get a free muffin from Panara. I got to church with enough time to buy a book I need for a class I'm taking (more on that soon) and I sat with friends. It was a good service.

On my way home I stopped at the store to get a few essentials. My sister is coming to Columbia today with my nieces and my nephew. I wanted to be sure to have things to make impromptu grilled cheese sandwiches and I needed milk for my nephew. The weather is quite lovely today so it was joyful driving with my windows down. I came home, cleaned up my kitchen and took my recycling out. Only then did the morning turn lengthy. My car decided it didn't want to start. Luckily I was only down the street from my house and an auto parts store. I was blessed enough that the new battery did not cost a lot of money but even more so, the workers at Oreilly's came and helped put the battery in for me (which was amazing because I'm pretty sure they don't do that ever--the guy who took me and the battery to my car told me so). They even checked out the alternator to make sure that the battery was really the problem.

The thing about it is I was all very calm during the whole process. Actually I was kind of angry because I literally just got my car fixed and inspected. I don't remember actually praying to God while I was walking back and forth from my car but I did pray this morning that everything go alright today (along with some other specific blessing requests for Ashley and that girl who was supposed to go to church with me). I don't think I can really say that I was calm because I had the conscious thought that God would help me out but I do think that He had a hand in how smoothly that whole car debacle went. Especially in the generosity in the Orielly worker's hearts for taking the time to help me out.

It just makes me think about what Piet said during the service today. That, in the beginning of going to a church, everything felt like it was happening just for me; the sermons were written with me in mind, the people reached out to me, there was a place in classes for me. Now I wouldn't say that I am necessarily past the "new" phase at Woodcrest but I have been feeling, just as Piet said, a desire to go deeper. To participate and connect and help others grow. I think that's part of the reason why I'm so excited about introducing this new girl to Woodcrest. I want her experience to be a positive one just like mine has been. I would take her every week that I went to church if she wanted.

I'm trying to put all my trust in God to help me when I need it. I think a big part of that is to realize that when things "magically go right" in a day, like my car battery situation, it's not just good fortune. It's God.

In an effort to become a bigger part of the church and to grow in my relationship with God, I am taking two classes this fall semester at church. I'm looking forward to them both because they should be pretty eye opening. One of my goals is to embrace the material that I'm being taught so I can actually absorb it.

I'm taking Faith Connections: Confident Heart and Recovery:Making Peace With Your Past. I'm both excited and nervous about these classes. I think the faith connections class will help me with my anxiety issues. One of the things that was mentioned was that when I'm scared or anxious, it shows that I don't trust God. That was almost like a low blow in a way. It certainly made an impact on me.

I'm mostly nervous about the recovery class. I still don't exactly know what I'm trying to "recover" from. I also think that I'm potentially opening up a can of worms by looking at my past. Obviously all of my "issues" will have some kind of root in my past and I guess that's the biggest fear. What if I find something out that I can't handle? But there again, I think the faith connections class with help. I have to trust that God will only reveal the things I am ready to work through. I do think that I'll have a positive experience but I do think that it will challenge me. But when I look back at my favorite classes, that's exactly what they did: they challenged me to learn.

So like I said, I'm working so that my faith is greater than my fear. Because I am so tired of being afraid and anxious.

What Do You Wear to a Baptism?

That is honestly the one thing I was really worried about after I made the decision to be baptized. It seems like a silly thing really but when I thought about what people usually wear I remembered that most baptism are done with babies and they're not completely immersed in water. They're also wearing white.

Ok..so white..I can wear white. But wait, the water makes white see through...hm.

For two days I considered all my clothes and figured a swimsuit would be the most practical. But it's funny. I'm all set to wear my swimsuits to the pools and only feel uncomfortable if a really skinny girl is also swimming. When I thought about wearing my swim suit to the baptism, it just didn't feel right. Mostly because think of all the skin I'd be showing. But I found some board shorts that matched my swim suit perfectly (thank you Old Navy and your clearance rack).

After the clothes situation was settled, I only worried about getting there on time. And making sure my family got there. Then I was like stage fright worried. I kept asking JP what number they were on because I was number 20 and I didn't want to mess up (though how do you mess up baptism really? Unless you say no when they ask you if you're ready to accept the Lord as your savior, I guess). I was weird and nervous. On number 19, the girl's story was so touching that I felt trouble holding in all my feelings. She had "crossed the line" when she was arrested for shoplifting and was in a holding cell with a bum who killed another bum. She started crying and it was all I could do to keep my own tears from falling.

I don't have such a dramatic crossing the line story. But I do understand what it means to finally be done with one way of life and ready to start another one with God.

When it was finally my turn, I felt self conscious going into the pool There were so many people there! Everyone was so happy and excited; it was overwhelming. I had a really hard time remaining in the moment as they read my (abbreviated) answers. I saw people that I knew in the crowd, nodding with encouragement, smiling at me. I couldn't really look at Niki or JP (though they were right on each side of me, a Genochio sandwich with Harris bread) only because I knew that I would become too emotional and I didn't really want to cry. It's funny to me in way. I was so jittery before I got in the water but, aside from feeling self conscious at first, it was very calming. I think it was because of all the smiling and supportive faces staring back at me. And of course the cheering afterward.

I feel so blessed there are not enough words to describe it. Not only to have Niki and JP baptize me, but to have my close friends from school and work and my family witnessing this moment....I can't even say. I knew that my family would be happy for me but I didn't really think they'd all be able to come. It's not so far to drive but with all the kids (my 6 year old nieces and my 18 month old nephew came) I know things can be a little tricky and overwhelming. I'm so happy they were here.

Everyone has asked me why I have chosen to be baptized. My answer, in the longest form, is the answer to the second question down below. But I don't really have a concise response. I feel like it's kind of been a long time coming. I have been moving toward this moment for a while it seems. The thing that made me realize it was at church on Sunday. I was praying to God about helping relieve my anxiety (strangely it was the first time I've every actually prayed this prayer) and I just felt someone, not me though it was my voice, telling me "You should be a part of the baptism." I was taken aback. Confused and unsettled at first. Wait, are you telling me this for real? Am I crazy? Am I wrong? But it was the very first time I have ever felt God speaking to me. It was like I could either ask Piet about baptism and have faith that this is what God wants for me, or I could do what I always do and brush off the strong feeling I had in my chest.

I've never known how to respond or what to think about the people that say that God has "called them" to do something. What does that even mean? I would think. But now I know. Don't get me wrong, I still have lots of questions but I feel like I have found the place to finally work on the answers. And to work on them with God and in God's community.

So here are my answers to the two questions Woodcrest posed on the baptism registration. They did not read the full answer to the second question. I think they did a very good job abbreviating it (though my mom said she thought I had the longest answers)

How did I come to know about God?
I was raised in a family that believed in God. I was baptized as a baby and made my first Holy Communion around 5 years old. Church was an infrequent boredom growing up. I have always felt that I was "Christ follower" but I really took for granted what that actually meant. It was almost like some kind of a fact I knew but didn't necessarily have faith in (but perhaps only because I didn't really understand what faith was). In January of 2011, I came to Woodcrest to see my friend Niki Harris sing with the church band. I had just moved out of the Harris household where I had been living for the past six months. At first I thought going to church would just be a guaranteed way to see the Harris' every week. After that first service, I felt like coming to Woodcrest was something more than just seeing friends. I felt so good that it was a natural inclination to return every week. If I missed a Sunday, I felt different, offbeat in a way. I have come to realize that it was the connection with God and Woodcrest members that made that good feeling bloom.

What made me "cross the line" and decide to be baptized?
Baptism had been brought up several months ago in a service. In my memory it was almost an offhand sort of reference to whatever the sermon was about. I remember Piet speaking about it as a beginning, as a promise to make a conscious effort to follow Christ's teachings about grace and love. I believe this mention planted the seed in my mind. Months later, I attended a Welcome to Woodcrest service where a church member asked if I knew what baptism was. I immediately brushed it off with a "Oh yea. I've already been baptized...duh" sort of response. She calmly explained that Woodcrest believes that baptism is a choice made as an adult; a conscious decision that a baby can't really make for itself. This conversation unsettled me in a way and I began to examine my response. What difference could it make if I get baptized as an adult? I have since tried to become more connected in the church and took the summer recovery course. During my last Recovery class, one of the other members, Norma, invited us all to baptism because she had made the decision to be baptized. I felt happy for her and felt a tug in my heart that I should do more than just watch. During this past service when Piet invited us to spend 3 minutes to give ourselves over to the Lord, to really try to experience a moment with God, I prayed that God grant me the ability to let go of my anxiety about going to baptism. I felt another tug at my heart, urging me to be a participant. It was the first time I have ever felt God speaking directly to me. It was like He said "What are you waiting for?" I didn't have an answer other than to think about my anxiety about what other people would think. It felt like God was reaching His hand out to me. All I have to do is take it. Speaking to Piet about being baptized and clasping his hands in prayer was like taking God's offered hand. It's the first real step in changing my life in all the ways I have been moving toward since January when I first walked into Woodcrest. I want to feel God speaking directly to me again and again, to lay my fears and all my anxiety (which I have a lot of) at His feet and feel love in return. I feel that this baptism is my conscious choice, my leap of faith, to make my life about something more than just right now.

Some Things I've Done

I uploaded some pictures on Google+. They are of fun things I've done in my life. Mostly the past few years. As I was looking through my pictures, I realized that I've done some amazing things.

Now I'm not trying to toot my own horn by any means. Mostly I thought about all the fund stuff I did so far and then I thought about who was with me. Why was it amazing? I saw some pretty inspiring things in Europe. I met my best friend there. I spent time with my brother and we talked about God and travel and adventure. I saw some great bands with my brother and sister. We have since made more plans to do more things together, like we used to back when we didn't live in different cities or have children to support. When it was just a little bit easier to hang out.

I feel good about my life. I started reading Eat, Pray, Love and a part of me feels like there is this huge pressure to get something more than just the pleasure of reading out of the story. I do understand what she says and means. No, I've never been crushingly depressed but I do understand what traveling to get away from things feels like and I have been to some of the same places in Rome. It makes me think about how I want to spend the rest of my life.

I haven't forgotten or necessarily given up on my dream to be a writer. I have often wondered what it would be like to live, to some degree, like she does. Writing as I travel the world. I suppose more accurately, writing as I go to the three countries I really want to go to.

I don't know. Sometimes I feel like I think too linearly. Life really isn't like that, is it?

Sitting on Babies

So it's late-ish on a Saturday night. I'm hanging out at a lovely home in my old neighborhood, babysitting. The kids are all asleep and, because I cannot figure out the TV situation, I am sitting a very quiet, basically dark living room. Thankfully I have figured out how to turn on a lamp. I swear I'm a college graduate; it's just hard to figure out simple things in new environments. Specifically homes of friends with really nice things.

I only really watched the kids for about two hours. I had fun, even though I did get hit in the eye with a rubber bracelet. An accident of course but it still stings and it happened over an hour ago. It took me back to playing with my brother when I was a kid. I took a rubber band to the eye once. They're really good kids and, lucky for me, didn't take long to warm up to me. I hope they remember me because I actually wouldn't mind just hanging out with them on a regular basis. These boys are a little gross and kind of rough, but they're also really sweet and extraordinarily smart. I'd really like to do some kind of fun craft with them. I'd want to bring something really fun and creative to the table...but I'm not sure what that would be for a boy. I know what my nieces like to do, but they're girls and considerably younger (I think).

Now that I'm older and babysitting doesn't happen as often, sometimes I feel a little out of my element. I guess in a way it's easy to be goofy, like I was when I was a kid. But I'm also a little self conscious and unsure about little boys. I only hang out with my nieces. They're mostly girly with the occassional tom boy activity.

I guess bottom line kids are just kids. They're really not too difficult.

What the Twitter?

I feel like there are a ridiculous amount of things in my life that are pushing me toward getting a Twitter account. Without a Twitter account, I have not been able to express my love for the Voice or ask the contestants questions directly (not that I would really do that but still). I am apparently missing a whole world of things that happen on Timbers. I just thought about commenting on a friend's wordpress blog and it was like "hey you can comment...if you had a Twitter!" (among other things but that one really stood out to me).

I just recently committed myself to being anti-Twitter for as long as possible. But apparently that isn't meant to be very long.

I mean honestly, today I wanted to tell all the folks on Timbers about how "JP and the Tough Choices" are going to be playing at Mojos and are standing up to the injustice of "quintessentially American music." If I had gchat, I would have been able to do that just fine. But I do not any longer. The lack of internet in places that are not public and/or my job has meant no more gchat, or at least not really enough of it to count. So instead I sent an email (how archaic) to one person. Though in reality I could have sent a mass email just as easily (I mean, I have to have everyone's gmail address to have them on gchat).

I have promised that I would join the world of Twitter once I have a mobile device that will allow me to be on the interwebs in my home without actually having interwebs. So sometime in August.

Seriously though, I do have some qualms with Twitter. Albeit irrationally, I have an issue with the the posts being called "tweets." I have no real idea why it bothers me but it does. Also, I just heard about a way to pantomime the # for a tweet. When I saw it, I immediately wanted to punch the creator in the throat. Why? Who knows. It's not like I dislike it because it's pretentious or quirky. We all know I love being pretentious and I'm a snob.

I don't know. I guess I feel a certain pride that I am no longer addicted to social media like Facebook and I don't want to get sucked in to Twitter.

Summer in the City

Though can we call Columbia "the City"? I guess I should but it's certainly not the same kind of city as San Francisco or even Kansas City.

Hello my friends. My long absence has come to a close. I'm sitting on a chair backwards at Jess's house. It's not uncomfortable hot anymore. I was sweating earlier as I drank hot coffee but now I'm doing better, with my jeans rolled up and a fan roaring near me. Everyone seems to be napping right now. Except the cicadas (what an interesting thought; can you imagine a day when in the middle of the afternoon, all the cicadas chatter stopped as they took a siesta?).

I do not nap. Even when I'm sleepy, I'm always nervous that my day will be shot by that glorious thought of a mid-afternoon nap. Like it would make me feel lazy for the rest of the day. If I were really honest, I feel lazy all day anyway so a nap can't be that hazardous.

I don't really have anything to say right now. I just thought it would be a good time to pop in to my blog. Write a few things down and scurry on my way. I miss writing. I miss being creative. I miss making things with my hands. I don't know why I don't just make things at my apartment. I guess it just seems harder when you have two curious cats and fur flying around like pollen on a spring day.


I guess I just dropped in to say that I feel good. Don't get me wrong; there are lots of things that need to be addressed in my personal life to make me feel like I'll be doing any long lasting feeling good but today I just feel good. It seems inexplicable almost. I went to church, got some groceries, had lunch with friends. It's a beautiful day outside. I guess that's enough for a Sunday in June.