My Faith Is Greater Than My Fear

...at least I'm working on it.

It's Sunday. Only a little after 1pm and I feel like I've done a million things already. I woke up at 7:45am to get ready for church. I was supposed to introduce a girl to Woodcrest. My very good friend knows that I go to Woodcrest so gave my number to a brand new freshman who was considering trying my church out but she did not have a way to get there. I was very excited to have the opportunity to meet this girl and show her around church. We planned it so that I would be at her dorm by 8:30 so we could have time before the service began to look around.

Unfortunately, things did not exactly go according to plan. She overslept. I only waited for about 5 minutes at her place. I figured I had time to go check on my friend's bunny (I'm bunny sitting for the weekend) while this girl was getting ready...if she had woken up by my phone call. But...she didn't. Which really was ok. Like I said, I had time to check on the bunny and even get a free muffin from Panara. I got to church with enough time to buy a book I need for a class I'm taking (more on that soon) and I sat with friends. It was a good service.

On my way home I stopped at the store to get a few essentials. My sister is coming to Columbia today with my nieces and my nephew. I wanted to be sure to have things to make impromptu grilled cheese sandwiches and I needed milk for my nephew. The weather is quite lovely today so it was joyful driving with my windows down. I came home, cleaned up my kitchen and took my recycling out. Only then did the morning turn lengthy. My car decided it didn't want to start. Luckily I was only down the street from my house and an auto parts store. I was blessed enough that the new battery did not cost a lot of money but even more so, the workers at Oreilly's came and helped put the battery in for me (which was amazing because I'm pretty sure they don't do that ever--the guy who took me and the battery to my car told me so). They even checked out the alternator to make sure that the battery was really the problem.

The thing about it is I was all very calm during the whole process. Actually I was kind of angry because I literally just got my car fixed and inspected. I don't remember actually praying to God while I was walking back and forth from my car but I did pray this morning that everything go alright today (along with some other specific blessing requests for Ashley and that girl who was supposed to go to church with me). I don't think I can really say that I was calm because I had the conscious thought that God would help me out but I do think that He had a hand in how smoothly that whole car debacle went. Especially in the generosity in the Orielly worker's hearts for taking the time to help me out.

It just makes me think about what Piet said during the service today. That, in the beginning of going to a church, everything felt like it was happening just for me; the sermons were written with me in mind, the people reached out to me, there was a place in classes for me. Now I wouldn't say that I am necessarily past the "new" phase at Woodcrest but I have been feeling, just as Piet said, a desire to go deeper. To participate and connect and help others grow. I think that's part of the reason why I'm so excited about introducing this new girl to Woodcrest. I want her experience to be a positive one just like mine has been. I would take her every week that I went to church if she wanted.

I'm trying to put all my trust in God to help me when I need it. I think a big part of that is to realize that when things "magically go right" in a day, like my car battery situation, it's not just good fortune. It's God.

In an effort to become a bigger part of the church and to grow in my relationship with God, I am taking two classes this fall semester at church. I'm looking forward to them both because they should be pretty eye opening. One of my goals is to embrace the material that I'm being taught so I can actually absorb it.

I'm taking Faith Connections: Confident Heart and Recovery:Making Peace With Your Past. I'm both excited and nervous about these classes. I think the faith connections class will help me with my anxiety issues. One of the things that was mentioned was that when I'm scared or anxious, it shows that I don't trust God. That was almost like a low blow in a way. It certainly made an impact on me.

I'm mostly nervous about the recovery class. I still don't exactly know what I'm trying to "recover" from. I also think that I'm potentially opening up a can of worms by looking at my past. Obviously all of my "issues" will have some kind of root in my past and I guess that's the biggest fear. What if I find something out that I can't handle? But there again, I think the faith connections class with help. I have to trust that God will only reveal the things I am ready to work through. I do think that I'll have a positive experience but I do think that it will challenge me. But when I look back at my favorite classes, that's exactly what they did: they challenged me to learn.

So like I said, I'm working so that my faith is greater than my fear. Because I am so tired of being afraid and anxious.