That is honestly the one thing I was really worried about after I made the decision to be baptized. It seems like a silly thing really but when I thought about what people usually wear I remembered that most baptism are done with babies and they're not completely immersed in water. They're also wearing white.
Ok..so white..I can wear white. But wait, the water makes white see through...hm.
For two days I considered all my clothes and figured a swimsuit would be the most practical. But it's funny. I'm all set to wear my swimsuits to the pools and only feel uncomfortable if a really skinny girl is also swimming. When I thought about wearing my swim suit to the baptism, it just didn't feel right. Mostly because think of all the skin I'd be showing. But I found some board shorts that matched my swim suit perfectly (thank you Old Navy and your clearance rack).
After the clothes situation was settled, I only worried about getting there on time. And making sure my family got there. Then I was like stage fright worried. I kept asking JP what number they were on because I was number 20 and I didn't want to mess up (though how do you mess up baptism really? Unless you say no when they ask you if you're ready to accept the Lord as your savior, I guess). I was weird and nervous. On number 19, the girl's story was so touching that I felt trouble holding in all my feelings. She had "crossed the line" when she was arrested for shoplifting and was in a holding cell with a bum who killed another bum. She started crying and it was all I could do to keep my own tears from falling.
I don't have such a dramatic crossing the line story. But I do understand what it means to finally be done with one way of life and ready to start another one with God.
When it was finally my turn, I felt self conscious going into the pool There were so many people there! Everyone was so happy and excited; it was overwhelming. I had a really hard time remaining in the moment as they read my (abbreviated) answers. I saw people that I knew in the crowd, nodding with encouragement, smiling at me. I couldn't really look at Niki or JP (though they were right on each side of me, a Genochio sandwich with Harris bread) only because I knew that I would become too emotional and I didn't really want to cry. It's funny to me in way. I was so jittery before I got in the water but, aside from feeling self conscious at first, it was very calming. I think it was because of all the smiling and supportive faces staring back at me. And of course the cheering afterward.
I feel so blessed there are not enough words to describe it. Not only to have Niki and JP baptize me, but to have my close friends from school and work and my family witnessing this moment....I can't even say. I knew that my family would be happy for me but I didn't really think they'd all be able to come. It's not so far to drive but with all the kids (my 6 year old nieces and my 18 month old nephew came) I know things can be a little tricky and overwhelming. I'm so happy they were here.
Everyone has asked me why I have chosen to be baptized. My answer, in the longest form, is the answer to the second question down below. But I don't really have a concise response. I feel like it's kind of been a long time coming. I have been moving toward this moment for a while it seems. The thing that made me realize it was at church on Sunday. I was praying to God about helping relieve my anxiety (strangely it was the first time I've every actually prayed this prayer) and I just felt someone, not me though it was my voice, telling me "You should be a part of the baptism." I was taken aback. Confused and unsettled at first. Wait, are you telling me this for real? Am I crazy? Am I wrong? But it was the very first time I have ever felt God speaking to me. It was like I could either ask Piet about baptism and have faith that this is what God wants for me, or I could do what I always do and brush off the strong feeling I had in my chest.
I've never known how to respond or what to think about the people that say that God has "called them" to do something. What does that even mean? I would think. But now I know. Don't get me wrong, I still have lots of questions but I feel like I have found the place to finally work on the answers. And to work on them with God and in God's community.
So here are my answers to the two questions Woodcrest posed on the baptism registration. They did not read the full answer to the second question. I think they did a very good job abbreviating it (though my mom said she thought I had the longest answers)
How did I come to know about God?
I was raised in a family that believed in God. I was baptized as a baby and made my first Holy Communion around 5 years old. Church was an infrequent boredom growing up. I have always felt that I was "Christ follower" but I really took for granted what that actually meant. It was almost like some kind of a fact I knew but didn't necessarily have faith in (but perhaps only because I didn't really understand what faith was). In January of 2011, I came to Woodcrest to see my friend Niki Harris sing with the church band. I had just moved out of the Harris household where I had been living for the past six months. At first I thought going to church would just be a guaranteed way to see the Harris' every week. After that first service, I felt like coming to Woodcrest was something more than just seeing friends. I felt so good that it was a natural inclination to return every week. If I missed a Sunday, I felt different, offbeat in a way. I have come to realize that it was the connection with God and Woodcrest members that made that good feeling bloom.
What made me "cross the line" and decide to be baptized?
Baptism had been brought up several months ago in a service. In my memory it was almost an offhand sort of reference to whatever the sermon was about. I remember Piet speaking about it as a beginning, as a promise to make a conscious effort to follow Christ's teachings about grace and love. I believe this mention planted the seed in my mind. Months later, I attended a Welcome to Woodcrest service where a church member asked if I knew what baptism was. I immediately brushed it off with a "Oh yea. I've already been baptized...duh" sort of response. She calmly explained that Woodcrest believes that baptism is a choice made as an adult; a conscious decision that a baby can't really make for itself. This conversation unsettled me in a way and I began to examine my response. What difference could it make if I get baptized as an adult? I have since tried to become more connected in the church and took the summer recovery course. During my last Recovery class, one of the other members, Norma, invited us all to baptism because she had made the decision to be baptized. I felt happy for her and felt a tug in my heart that I should do more than just watch. During this past service when Piet invited us to spend 3 minutes to give ourselves over to the Lord, to really try to experience a moment with God, I prayed that God grant me the ability to let go of my anxiety about going to baptism. I felt another tug at my heart, urging me to be a participant. It was the first time I have ever felt God speaking directly to me. It was like He said "What are you waiting for?" I didn't have an answer other than to think about my anxiety about what other people would think. It felt like God was reaching His hand out to me. All I have to do is take it. Speaking to Piet about being baptized and clasping his hands in prayer was like taking God's offered hand. It's the first real step in changing my life in all the ways I have been moving toward since January when I first walked into Woodcrest. I want to feel God speaking directly to me again and again, to lay my fears and all my anxiety (which I have a lot of) at His feet and feel love in return. I feel that this baptism is my conscious choice, my leap of faith, to make my life about something more than just right now.
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