I'll Let You Think That I'm Yours When I'm Not

So a lot has happened in the past week. Upon returning to work, I was greeted with an email of epic proportions: I needed to hand in the proof that I am a student. Well, no problem I thought. Just get that acceptance from AI Portland. Done.

...

Right, except AI Portland didn't listen to me and I was accepted for fall. Hm...how do I explain that to work? I know it says fall but classes don't actually start until January. Despite a phone call and an email requesting a phone call back or a fax with the correct info for work, Portland has yet to respond to me.

So I am a Mizzou student for one more semester. I am taking a one credit course with my amazing print teacher, the great Chris Daniggelis. It's an independent study print course and I am excited to be working again, both in print and at my actual job. I will spend the semester learning and pushing myself to make more and better things to strenghten my portfolio. Maybe I'll go to an art school in Portland.

I am still planning on moving to Portland. Whether I go to AI or somewhere else at this point is completely up in the air. But I'm glad for this time at Mizzou with Chris. I clearly need it.

School starts on Monday.

I'm Here for Liquor and Dessert

I'm 23 years old.

I've spent the last week at my mom's, watching my nieces. We have had fun. I love my nieces and I appreciate spending so much time with them.

That being said, I need to get the fuck out of here. Seriously. I can feel myself getting stuck here. Overspending (so much for the budget), wasting days doing nothing, not thinking about my future. I'm trapped in the same crap with my mom, arguing about nothing. My mom actually made me cry at dinner. My birthday dinner. It's stupid but true; she spent the entire dinner not talking to anyone. It was just me and my nieces. At 23, I cried. My feelings were hurt and I felt stupid.

She apologized the next day.

That said, my brother and sister are back in town tomorrow. I'll be out tomorrow night. Happy birthday me.

The Sweet Life

So I'm at home, my new home, and I'm spending time alone (for the first time) with JP, one of my new housemates. Now I'm certain I mentioned this before but I'll say it again but I can never remember how much of the running monologue that is my thoughts I actually write down. JP and Niki are married. I suppose I've known them both for a while now. Really I've known Niki for two years; I've known about JP's existence for just as long though I met him maybe a year ago. They are perfect together, at least in my eyes.

Now tonight is just as any other night except that I am spending time alone with JP for the first time. It's not weird, at least not entirely, which kind of surprised me at first. Let me clarify something before I go on; Niki is just out for a while. This little moment in time where it's just JP and I will really only last about two hours-and I am typing this in the middle of that time.

With that said, I have to spend this time writing this as I am thinking it right now. I do feel slightly cliched typing this but here goes: I am so lucky. Here are these amazing people who care about me something akin to the way my family does. Maybe only in a peripheral sense, but they do care about my well-being, care enough to take care of me and offer me a place in their home. To provide me with a launching off point for my future.

I have thought this multiple times in the past several months, but especially in the last two weeks. As I spend more time with them, I just have to smile at their quirks. I mean really, it's just who they are. They make dinner for each other. They sit and budget together. They ask about each other's day. And then they do (almost) all that for me too. Seriously?

So what's prompted this gooey I-love-my-friends post? I don't know. I guess I'm just weird.

JP and I started making dinner at the same time (he's making a shrimp dish-something I am suddenly allergic to, otherwise I'm certain I would have been asked to join). My food, as any other college kids dinners, took about 5 minutes to make and just as long to eat. As I ate and watched JP creepily (something I called the appropriate amount of attention to), he asked me questions, about my day, what I like in KC, normal stuff. I think it's interesting to think that we don't really know much about each other and yet I feel completely at ease with him. I think sometimes there's the feeling that the empty air in the room needs to be filled by talking but I like that I can have a (mostly) comfortable silence with him.

It's different with Niki. We have had those completely comfortable silences together to but she's a person I tell all my shenanigan tales to and she listens without judgment and mostly offers pieces of advice and support. I feel bad (often) because I feel like I don't do a very good job reciprocating those feelings but I am trying to be better at telling the people who matter how much they mean to me (well without coming across as weirdly out of no where or creepy as--which is why I haven't said anything to JP yet, I don't think we're to that point).

Either way, I feel like I am, just as I said, very lucky.