Sometimes It Feels Like Worry Is My Only Friend

I've been going through an interesting time here the past few days. I have my last exam on Wednesday and I have to write an essay for my Shakespeare class (which drives me slightly crazy because we asked if we had to do one and my professor said no, an answer that changed the moment I finished my exam. The department said I had to do it. Lame). I've been having a few issues with money and all of my friends (Danielle and Alyssa) are away traveling. My lovely Canadian friend Marisa is still here but she needs to study. She's been awesome, encouraging me to study because I need to as well but let's be honest, I'm terrible when it comes to actually doing work.

So today, after studying with Marisa at the library for a while, I came back to my flat and made myself some food. I basically have rice and pasta left. I've been eating pasta like it was going out of style. I had pasta and gravy last night. Yea, pasta and gravy. It's not as bad as it sounds....or maybe it is. Anyway, I'm lonely. That's the long and short of that. I think I'm really ready to go home. I don't know. It's weird. It's like the same feeling I had the few weeks before I left for England. I'm anxious. It's like this is winding down and it's time to start something new again. I'm going home after six months of being gone. I envisioned myself hugging my nieces and my mom earlier today when I was walking down the corridor to my room.

To help procrastinate, I started to put all the souvenirs I got for people together. That prompted the desire to pack them. As in pack them in a suitcase. So I got my small suitcase out and I packed it with stuff that I don't really use anymore: my winter coat, a blanket, and most of my scarves. It's crazy how many scarves I've brought. And yes, I used them all at least once. The best part about the packing though is that the souvenirs that were meant to be packed away weren't. I felt like I might break them.

The point is I spent a small part of my day thinking about packing and fantasizing that I was home. I cried and looked at pictures of my nieces and my family. Don't get me wrong, I don't want to wish my time away here. I don't know the next time I'll be in England, if ever, again. I have said before, something which I know is true because I can just feel it, that things don't seem impossible anymore. I know I can live out here for a length of time and I even talked to Alyssa about moving out here and working at a hostel with her while I go to pastry school. I can say those plans out loud and they don't seem crazy or laughable. Those are actual things I can do.

I am looking forward to being home. The weather here has been better but it's nothing like home. I'm looking forward to shorts and tank tops. I'm looking forward to snuggling my cats. I'm looking forward to spending time with my family.