England Calling

I started writing this particular entry last May. That's when I first decided to find out about studying abroad. And holy shit, look how far I've come.
I don't know why I didn't finish writing the actual entry I began in May. Back then, this post was called London Calling. While that is the real name of the song by The Clash, if I wrote it, it would be a lie. I'm going to Lancaster, not London. Contrary to American belief, London is not synonymous for England. No worries though, I've made the same mistake.
I'm actually leaving for England in three weeks. Just typing that out made my heart skip half a beat. It's the truth though. I'm nervous. I keep feeling like I've forgotten to do something vital to my time in England. That's probably a valid feeling right now though. I'm too caught up in my finals to really (read: 100%) think about everything for England. My head would probably explode if I tried to do it all. As it is, I should be asleep, having written at least half of my 10 page paper due on Monday. Oh well, "should have"s and "actually did"s are not the same thing, as we all know.
Besides, I've done the ultimate "actually did." I'm leaving the only place I've ever really known for another country. By myself. I actually did buy the plane ticket. I actually did max out my financial aid to make my dream a reality. I actually did have a going away dinner at my apartment with a few of my closest friends. So what I haven't actually written my paper yet. I've got time.
I tell you what; I feel like I need a good cry. I know it will happen. I'm going to be leaving my mom behind when I step into the terminal at the airport. If I didn't cry then, I wouldn't have a heart. I just can't cry now. I don't know why I can't just let go. It's like having to sneeze but never actually sneezing.
I need to cry because I'm scared. I'm scared of leaving. I'm scared of not being able to handle being so far away. I'm scared of a lot of things that could potentially happen. I know things will be okay. I know I will work it out. I know that past evidence has shown that I can handle a lot of things but I still can't shake the feeling.

This is the beginning of the end and the beginning of the beginning. I'm finishing up my semester here at Mizzou and beginning my semester at Lancaster University soon. I can't promise to write on this blog everyday until I leave. In fact, I promise that I won't, but I will do my best to write it in as much as I can, documenting my pre-departure trials and tribulations. Of course I'll keep you all updated as I spend my time in Lancaster.

Until next time, stay classy San Diego. (Yea, I just stole Ron Burgandy's sign off)